The Snubbies

ADD:*THE POLITICKING AND MARKETING EFFORT PUT INTO GETTING THE AWARD
*IF I WAS TO PICK ONE MASSIVE SNUB IT WOULD BE DAVID OYELOWO B/C OF THE DEPTH OF THE ROLE, IMPORTANCE OF THE CHARACTER AND SKILL DISPLAYED IN THE PORTRAYAL

Every year, the greatest drama about the greatest film dramas of that year (because comedies aren't allowed to win Oscar) occurs right after the nominations are announced: the Snubbies. These are the famous howlings of those who didn’t get nominated or those on behalf of those who didn’t get nominated. This year is no different. The outcry of Jennifer Aniston’s lack of nomination for her role in Cake seems to miss the point that most people just didn’t like the movie that much. SCREAM: But it's about her performance! Not the film! Retort: How many Oscar Winning performances come from films that were received with a largely lukewarm response? The howling about Selma’s Director Ava DuVernay not getting a nod (thank you Rev. Al Sharpton) seems to be more about the historical opportunity (first black woman ever nominated for Best Director) missed than it is about her work as a Director. Just by mentioning only these two individuals I realize the precarious position I've placed myself in: I am almost certainly snubbing those who were already snubbed yet again. Apologies.

One classic argument goes, how can a film get nominated, but the Director not (and vice versa)? The answer, practically speaking since 2009, is because there are more Best Picture slots than Best Director slots now. But what are the criteria for determining a Director’s worth on a film? Is it how a film looks? Isn’t that more of a cinematographer aesthetic? Is it the mise en scene? Don't worry about googling it, it's French and cinematic; darling, whatever it is must be magnifique! A screenwriters? How the words sound? Isn’t that an actor's role (do not pardon anything)? The pacing of the story? Isn’t that what an editor does? When does an actor rise above the material and when is she merely a product of the brilliance of all those around her making her look good? Cake, anyone? No thanks, watching my golden statue. Is it due to effort? Weight loss? Weight gain? Amount of time spent in hair, makeup and wardrobe? Skill acquired? Depravity displayed? Degree of mental retardation displayed (I’ve heard it’s good not to go full…)?

I’m not saying one couldn’t make a reasonable case for Aniston, DuVernay or a host of other artists or their films (David Oyelowo, Jake Gyllenhaal and Christopher Nolan were three of the more prominent on most howler’s lists I read), but the real problem lies with the perception rather than a reality. The Academy's process is 1) subjective and 2)  (though no one likes to talk about this openly) political. SCREAM: But Jennifer Aniston ran the political interview scene like Obama in 2008! Yeah, but, you know...or you don't and the Academy is cool with that, too.

The Oscars both is and isn’t just another award show. It isn’t because winning an Oscar is either a stratospheric career launching pad or a penultimate crowning achievement. It is because the people who are voting are still just people, mortal, flesh and blood rife with opinions and biases. To argue and scream at these people is to yell at the light between the projector and the screen. You’ll have no effect.

So what to do about it? I propose it in the opening and solidify the offer her: The Snubbies™©® (mine - all mine!). Yes, I will host another award show (because just one more is exactly what we need, right?) that nominates only those artists and films that somehow, cruelly and almost completely inexplicably missed the cut for Oscar. The winner will get a gold nose statuette that they can either turn up toward the critics that dissed them or use to replace the one they cut off to spite their face in response to being snubbed. The stars can be interviewed by reporters who didn't quite make the cut for the Oscars as they walk the blue carpet (that was the second choice when the decision was originally made). Bob Hope's granddaughter, Miranda Hope will host. Since grandpa did 18 Oscar turns as the big cheese it just seems wrong that she hasn't had even had a sniff. And can you imagine what would happen to those who felt snubbed by the Oscars and were then snubbed by the Snubbies? It would be unsnubbevable.

Most of all, it will right that eternal wrong that plagues us all any time someone wins or loses: "no fair". Everybody gets a chance, then it's fair right? Pardon my French for a moment as I react to my own new venture: Le Barf.